Sorely tempted to unkindness. . .

"What is desireable in a man is his kindness." (Prov 19:22)

Being kind is desireable. . .then why is it so hard?

I have a young friend who lives in another city-we email and talk on the phone; last month when I asked her to pray for me as I prepare to talk on kindness, she wrote back: "Kindness! It is so hard to be kind! if you have any notes as you study about kindness, please email them to me. I am so unkind to my siblings more than anyone else, and it is so sad; they are the ones who see me every day. I really always have to be aware of that and make and effort to be kind to them, because it definately doesn't come naturally!"

hmmm, I love that girl-and isn't it true that the temptation to unkindness is often greatest with those who are closest?

What is desireable in a woman is her kindness. . .but sin thwarts kindness, our own sin and the sin of the people in our lives.

The human heart is so deep, complex, as is our tangled web of sin-

Selfishness thwarts kindness: kindness is the sincere desire for the happiness of others, but naturally, I am concerned about me, concerned about my plans, my problems, my interests. So I struggle to be kind when someone or something thwarts my plans, derails my agenda, doesn't do things my way. I ignore the example of Jesus in Philippians 2:3-5

Anger thwarts kindness: expressions of anger reveal sinful desires in our hearts.

"what causes quarrels and conflicts among you? Is it not the desires that wage war in you members" (James 4:1)

So, my desires-wanting my own way- is the force behind my anger.

Am I craving peace and quiet (just 1/2 hour of uninterrupted peace!), convenience (the dryer repaired), ease, an orderly house, appreciation. . .after a holiday trip, my friend came home to piles of laundry; she decided that in a snap she could wash and dry at the laundramat; after she loaded up the dirty piles, her husband expressed his preference that she not go to the laundramat-errrrr. . .we talked about how her desire for ease provoked angry feelings towards her dear husband!

How about irritation, the subtle companion of anger? I asked a friend if she ever gets irritated? she said, "Slow! slow shoes, slow eating, slow picking up toys, slow in the bathroom, slow-slow-slow!" her desires, not slowness, caused her irritation.

Bitterness thwarts kindness: in Feminine Appeal, Carolyn Mahaney writes that bitterness is based on someone else's sin against us, usually someone's sin who is close to us-I admit, that's been true for me. Remember, those closest to us will surely wrong us.

from Ephesians 4:32 we know that kindness involves forgiving others their offenses against us-perhaps great offenses; for me, it's been helpful to remember that no one has sinned against me to the extent that I have sinned against the Savior. If we do not forgive oneanother, we will become bitter women. . .

Each obstacle to kindness is born and fed by self love; if you are a believer, kindness is an expression of God's work of grace in you-grace which expands your thinking outside of yourself.

What then to do? When I am unkind, I must confess my sin to God and humbly ask forgiveness; I am comforted that if I confess my sin, He is faithful to forgive my sin and to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I am a great sinner, but I have a great Savior! (wrote John Newton of old)

Enough for this very long post-but there's more. . .