Saturday, June 27, 2015

emotions like knitted cables

I'm a productive knitter when John drives on road trips, but mostly I'm a meandering, sporadic knitter. A few weeks ago I unraveled a stale project and began knitting a small blue sweater with textured seed stitch and twisted cables- Ahh, smooth, lovely cotton/rayon yarn! If I'm an undistracted knitter, then the cables twist perfectly, but if not, then I rip and redo.
My emotions are like knitted cables, weaving appropriately through the seed stitch of my life, but sometimes my emotions are like tangled cables. I'm taking inventory of the past week. . . .

Joy- This week John turned 66 years old; we celebrated his day with our grandchildren at the  children's museum. He loved it!  My husband describes himself. . . an old man who rides his bicycle like the wind!

Longing- This week my sweet friend moved away, far away. Sometimes God blesses us with an uncommon friendship-  then we exclaim, "Thank you God! this friendship is from you!" My friend is  gone from sight and there's a hole. . .

Pleasure- This week I've been looking at tutorials-  how to make a wedding veil.  Mercy will marry Samuel in August. . . lots of emotion but mainly pleasure!

Uncertainty- This week there were moments when my life seemed undefined. . . . How do I do this new season? Every day I tell myself (as I readily remind others), "Heart, you are in Christ." And day after day I fight to bring truth close, truth that remembers my identity is in Christ.

Delight- This week I got a text from Anna, "Mrs. Newton, is this you? Are you in town, I've missed you!" Ahh, the delight of an unexpected coffee with this sweet girl. Anna's mother is in heaven-- and I'm certain she would delight her mother's heart.

Disappointment- This week I've asked myself, "Heart, why are you disappointed?" Unraveling the event of disappointment from the emotion, I'm pursuing good fruit, "Lord, I want my emotion to grow in the soil of love and faith, producing contentment and gracious forbearance- and Lord, I need you!"

Sadness and Wonder- Last week Elisabeth Elliot went to heaven- even though we never met she impacted my life over decades. She taught me to embrace biblical womanhood, to find satisfaction and beauty in my role.  I still hear her words:
Let God be God. . . in acceptance there is peace. . . Trust God and obey Him! 
So, on the day Elisabeth Elliot died I had a good cry for the wonder of a life lived well and a Savior worshiped.

 So, I wonder- how can a mountain of emotion crowd into one soul in a gathering of days? These good emotions are a gift from the God who created me in his image, reminding me that I'm alive! I'm all too aware of the tangles but ever grateful He's at hand, always.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Our dwelling place

John and I spent last week with sweet children from our church community. Mom and Dad flew out of town and we sort of took their place. It felt a bit like vacation- you know, cooking in a new kitchen, loving on toddlers, mornings at the park, zoo day, no reminders that my clogged closets call my name . . .

So, we live in this old house with memories that sometime suffocate me- and we're still trying to figure out our house and retirement. Should we fix the leaks and cracks in this old house?  Should we move on to a smaller, newer space? Should we give it all away and launch a radical retirement in a tear drop trailer?
Hmmm, maybe - maybe not- but for now we keep chipping away on our old house.
We planted a little tree in the yard and John's busy with a creative deck project. For months my favorite cut out lay hidden on a dusty shelf and finally I framed it- a new picture to hang on my old wall.

Yesterday morning I found myself driving in the neighborhood of a new coffee shop. Do I dare stop and have a coffee alone? Yes, do it! So I chose a spot on an umbrella shaded patio and splurged on a croissant and coffee in a white cup. I sat in this lovely space reading, musing, when an elderly man from a neighboring table approached.

"Are you reading the Bible? you need to read this verse." Fumbling with a pencil, he appeared  confused.

I offered up my Bible; he leaned over the table, smoothing the rumbled pages. "Right here, Psalm 90!"

And the kind stranger read to me,  "Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were born you gave birth to the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting you are God."

Then he handed back my Bible, smiled and walked away. Sometimes life on this earth is so strange, so good- and God's Word is incredibly timely. . .

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane. 
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind
Mercy, oh how He loves. . .