about discernment

I'm thinking about the conversations that happened in my toasty, cramped kitchen during Christmas week.. .  not that my kitchen is especially conducive to worthy talk, but the oven heats it up and the girls make it happen. (and I get to be in the middle. . .)

One girl narrated intense challenges at her work place, "I need discernment. . .I need it!"
God gives discernment- cry out for it!

But I know that helpless feeling. . . what decision? which way to turn? how to respond, encourage, challenge? whether to let it go or bring it up? whether to do it now or later, to speak or keep silent?

I'm growing old- and I need discernment more than ever, so it seems.
"Your testimonies are wonderful. . .the unfolding of your words gives light, it imparts understanding to the simple." (Ps 119)

And the other day, at the onset of a new year, I read Proverbs 2.
I thought about my girls, and me, and you, with the resolution to read, pray, remember, remind. . .

Make your ear attentive to wisdom; for if you cry for discernment, if you  search for her as for hidden treasures, then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God. . . He is a shield for those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and every good course. For wisdom will enter your heart, and understanding will watch over your soul.

Quiet echoes here. . .2014

On Saturday sweet Evelyn turned 2 and we went to the zoo- a great family crowd.
She waved her leaf banner and the zebras swayed,  Happy Birthday, dear Evey, Happy birthday to you!

Then the great family went home. . .except for John and me.
(18 people, big and little, slept at our house Christmas night-and no, we don't have 18 beds,
but it worked and we laughed a lot.)

Quiet echoes here- the first day of a new year.

I discovered old journals wedged between shelves of dusty notebooks. I'm reading through one
from 1998. 16 years ago I filled journal pages with verses reminding me of  God's loving kindness- for me.

Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. (Lam 3:32)

The mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but my loving kindness will never be removed from you. (Is 54:10)

still true

In January 1998 I copied a quote to remember. . .
"Relying on God has to begin all over again, day after day, as if nothing yet had been done." (C.S. Lewis)

still true 

So today, January 1, 2014, I'm relying on Jesus again, remembering his loving kindness for me, again.
It's a good day to remember.

to learn about a good thing

 Nathaniel and Abigail came to Texas last month and they left their sweet children with John and me for an overnight and a day. "Ah, they trust us with their treasure!"

Eye to eye, the mother instructed, "Florence, while Dad and I are away, Gran and Grand Papi are in charge- they are the boss!"
The next morning John sat his grandchildren down at the little kitchen bench with cups of hot cocoa. Then he rode off to school on his bicycle and we waved.

I loaded up the children and set off on errands, just 3 short errand with just 2 little ones.
But short became long and oh, so slow. . .I only need thread, only milk and bread . . .

"Florence, we cant fit in the park this morning, Titus needs to nap at home," I explained.
(How did I ever do this so long ago. . .and with 8?)
Then I heard a wail from the back seat, "Gran, I am so sad. . .sad because you are not obeying me!"

"Ha! me obey you?" I thought.
But I answered, "hmmm, I love you, Florence!"

I'm still learning lots about them (while learning more about me. . .)

Contentment ~ soul business

Winter barreled south and Texans are piling on the layers-wool sweaters, coats, scarves, knitted hats, mittens, and  really, I think we look quite smart.

Last night  I slipped between the flannel sheets with a shiver. My husband reminded me that our body heat eventually warms the sheets; he's been telling me that for over 40 years but I still yelp with the initial icy shock.

In The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, Jeremiah Burroughs writes that true contentment is soul business-  for example, to be content as a result of some external circumstance is akin to warming a man's clothes by the fire, merely temporarily and externally warm.

But true contentment radiates from a soul that trusts God . . .like a healthy woman  puts on her clothes on a cold morning and at first she shivers but after she wears her clothes  for awhile, they are warm, warm from the natural heat of her body!

 So, I told my husband all of that as we waited for the sheets to warm up.
 "I don't think I'm explaining it quite clearly," I lamented.
"Not at all, I understand perfectly," he assured me.

Then, as always, I felt the sheets warm. . .

just the 2 of us, again

This little bunch has kept me busy the past few weeks, delightfully so-
imagine the crumb piles and milk puddles under the old high chair, the plastic animals and Brio trains under foot.

In the hollow space upstairs John strung up a parachute tent for his grandchildren.
I love breakfasts, baths, and book time. . .

A few days ago they left us- our house is quiet, clean, and we miss them.
So, yesterday John and I moved back into our grown up routine--I met a woman over coffee and  cracked  a new book, By His Wounds You are Healed by Wendy Horger Alsup.

 I gently turned the yellowed pages of a very old one, The Rare Jewel  of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs ( I carry the pages in a zip lock bag, hmmm, did a mouse nibble the corners?)

And last night in our cold house, under the down comforter, we ate our dinner;
together we read an Advent meditation from Good News of Great Joy by John Piper. . .
just the 2 of us.

"Is not my word like fire, says the Lord!" (Jeremiah 23:29)

Gather around that fire this Advent season.  It is warm. It is sparkling with colors of grace. 

It is healing for a thousand hurts. It is light for dark (cold) nights."

Over tea and creme brulee. . .

I will sing aloud of Your steadfast love in the morning, 

for You, my God,  have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.

Once upon a time I penciled the names of 2 old friends in my Bible next to Psalm 59:16-17.
My friends live on opposite coasts- they've never met, but one day they might.

 Pam lives on the west coast- she comes to San Antonio every November and we pack in a day together.
She brings gifts- San Francisco sour dough bread for John, treats for my grandchildren, an assortment of little treasures for me; we've  been friends for almost 40 years.

A few weeks ago I met Pam in Dallas. We stretched dinner over an evening and then ordered dessert. The waiter set out little white teapots and a creme brulee with 2 spoons.

"I think you haven't seen each other for a very long time." He observed, smiling.

The tea steeped and we probed, "What is God teaching you, friend?"

"Blessed are the meek. . . He's teaching me not to think more highly of  myself then I ought to think- you know, old lessons in new shoes." I said.

We sipped hot tea and dipped 2 spoons into creme brulee, in slow motion.

 "Ahh,  every morning I pray the same. . . pray and practice again and again" she revealed.

I say to every one among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think,

 but to think with sober judgment. Romans 12:3

Elliott Benjamin~Welcome to the world
and to the family.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made
. . .and with a soul that will live forever