From the outside

My friend called to tell me about her life, to share a devastating affliction; I set down my cup, for a moment I couldn't breathe. I haven't experienced her trial. . .but my life isn't over yet.

So-as Christ followers, how do we deal with emotional and physical pain and do it together?

 "The Christian life can be impersonal, stuffy, when we rehearse theology at one another rather than living it with one another." (Jim Andrews, Polishing God's Monuments)

Pain isolates and confuses us--we deal with pain together by loving one another, by being devoted to one another in love.  Sometimes I'm on the inside dealing with pain, and other times I'm on the outside.

Right now I'm on the outside. . .my dear friend weeps, so I weep.

Here's some thoughts from a talk I gave to the women at my church a few months ago.

1. When dealing with pain from the outside- pray that God will help you move into the lives of others with love-gently,, persistently, creatively.  We don't always know when a person is in pain;  sometimes the pain is visible, sometimes invisible but still a reality.  Even if God removes the pain, heals or gives relief from pain, our dear one lives with the affect of pain, the memory and it's real (like Job's loss of children, new children didn't take away the pain.)

2. . . from the outside- You will not love your suffering friend well by minimizing her pain or by trying to fix it quickly.  Some pain has no remedy until the day when all tears are wiped away.

3.  . . from on the outside- Come near, make sacrifices to be there.  Tell your friend, "I'm with you and I'll be around for a long time."  

In Psalm 13 God asks the psalmist to wait, "How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?"  Your friend is dealing with pain, your presence helps her to wait. 

Come near and weep with her; "When one member suffers, we all suffer together." (1 Cor 12:26)

Tell her, "God uses your pain in my life; your pain is changing me!"

Help your friend focus on today, living one day at a time.  We all need grace for today.

And talk to God about her needs--sometimes we talk too much about God and not enough to God.

William Cooper was born in England in the mid 1700's.  He came to saving faith in Jesus Christ as a young man; he wrote poetry and hymns for the church.  During most of his life, Cooper struggled with depression and despair.  John Newton was Cooper's pastor and faithful friend.  Even when distance separated the two men, Newton wrote to Cooper, visiting him again and again, demonstrating love and patience to his friend.

Cooper said of Newton, "He did not despair of the despairing."  (I want to be that kind of friend!)

"When pain is to be born, a little courage helps more than much knowledge,

 a little human sympathy more than much courage, 

and the least tincture of the love of God more than all." 

( C.S. Lewis, from The Problem of Pain)

 I haven't always loved others well from the outside. . .Ahh, to love with the least tincture of the love of God more than all.