transparency and caution

Every time I read Psalm 73, I yearn to say. . .

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing that I desire on earth besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

 But sometimes I find my reality here. . .

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had almost slipped, for I was envious. . .


Once a month, on Sunday evening,  the women from our Friday night Bible study meet at a local coffee place. I love these women-I'm the oldest in the group, the oldest by far.
Last week I shared with them how I find myself in Psalm 73. . .my struggles and doubts, my  repentance, worship, truth seeking, my beautiful Savior-
I told them that as someone old. . .I want to be transparent yet cautious.

If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed the generation of your children. (Ps 73:15)
(so the psalmist didn't speak. . )

transparency with caution is wisdom, I think.
Heart, pursue wisdom. . .

This baby eats . . .
She eats hummus, salmon, brown rice and kale. . .every bite; her momma spread goat cheese on bread for our tea party- Gwyneth begged mine.
On Mothers Day Josiah made a strawberry rhubarb pie, marking an "N" in the top crust for the mothers in our family.
I thought we might trade, Gwyneth and me. . . a bite of goat cheese bread for a few bites of her pie, but nope, this girl loves pie, rhubarb pie. . .
She's one of us-and not a baby anymore.

empty spaces

Sometimes I choose train travel; really, there's so much I like about the train, especially the empty spaces when time hovers. . .
 A few weeks ago I traveled to visit Noah and Josiah and their families, by Amtrak train to Fort Worth and by Megabus to Memphis- then home again.
I loved the people time. . .and the hours of empty space, time to read and write and think; someday I'll repeat the trip.
The first morning  the train rumbled along and I read Psalm 71.
 I thought about gray hair and worthy pursuits, I wrote verse 18 in my journal and prayed the truth  for today and tomorrow and all the remaining days.

So-even to old age and gray hairs, God, do not forsake me, 

until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come

then I could'nt wait to get there-

on the inside-

There are times when God makes me keenly aware that he continues to work, relentlessly, graciously-on the inside. . .

I struggled recently to love someone-
I appeared loving enough on the outside, no harsh words, no retaliation, no cool stares, but resentment bubbled inside me-and that is misery, indeed.

So one night, alone with John, I pleaded, " I am absolutely unloving and selfish, help me!"

His spoke good encouragement and I'm grateful- but the next day, God confronted me on the inside through his Word:

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, compassionate hearts, kindness, 

humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and,

if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. . ."

(Colossians 3:12,13)

So- I told John, "Next time this happens (and it will), tell me this Scripture and exhort me to put on a compassionate heart and to bear. . ."

The law of Christ is the law of bearing (Galatians 6:2). The brother is a burden to the Christian precisely because he is a Christian; for the pagan the other person never becomes a burden at all; he simply sidesteps every burden that others may impose upon him. . . The Christian must bear the burden of a brother-he must suffer and endure the brother.  The law of Christ has been fulfilled at the cross. . .I can (and I must) bear with others. (Life Together, Bonhoeffer.)