and then they're grown . . .

I love her little hand cupped around his neck. . .
My boys use to wrestle in the living room- with mother authority I'd appeal, " Please! move the furniture!"
Now my sons tear into each other on mountain bikes.
God has given them sweet daughters- and that makes me smile.

One day recently one of my boys called, "Mom, do you know why my social security number was issued 3 years after I was born?
"Hmm, that's odd, is there a problem?" I sounded earnest but calm.
"It's the background check. . .they say something is fraudulent. I thought maybe you mixed up me and . . .?" 
Seriously, mixed them up?(anything is possible) Maybe I did have too may children.

John came home that day, heard me out, assuaged my fears, "That sounds right, I applied for S.S. numbers for 7 children at the same time- previously you didn't have to. . ."

Today I'm preparing a devotional for a friend's baby shower. . . what to say?
I'll tell her that sometimes she will mix things up and I'll remind her that "in the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence. . ."
I'll speak of God's amazing grace that covers and rescues and fills in all the cracks.

(And when I imagine my boys talking on the phone about how their parents maybe mixed them up- then I smile.)

Counseling myself

I walked along the river this morning- alone,  glad for an almost empty day to read and write, to talk very little, to mentally review the past week . . .to counsel myself.

A few weeks ago I shared  a devotional at a baby shower in the morning and again for a bridal shower in the afternoon- on the same day.

So, in the morning I urged Gina to Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding!

When a mother trusts herself rather than God, fear captures her heart; she's tempted to control her children with a death grip- (then I told Gina about the grip in my heart when Rachel was about 9 and I let her choose her own shoes.)

And in the afternoon I urged Anna to Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness!"

Marriage is awesome-but two sinners say "I do" and future unknowns tempt a wife's heart to fear, to control her husband rather than to help him.(then I told Anna that when I was growing up, cars never broke down. . . and how months into our marriage I discovered a Fiat engine on the floor of our garage.)

Recently John and I had a serious discussion about his imminent retirement, about our future plans, concerns, questions. 

"I think I'm struggling with fear and I want to control you!" I admitted to my husband.

Then all the teaching that I had prepared, prayed, shared, came flooding in and pressed upon my  heart.

So, today and tomorrow I step back behind my own words and counsel myself.

let us press on. . .

This afternoon I pulled into my driveway and Ralph was standing in the flatbed of his pickup truck;
  he grinned at me, "Sister, did you come to take me to the airport so I can fly off somewhere too?"
 Mine is a globe trotting family. . .  the airport taxies think I'm one too.

Mercy's been in and out the past few weeks-around for tea time. . .

 Yesterday morning at 5 a.m.  I dropped her off on the airport curb; she's going to New York-to stay.  I'm excited for her to see spring daffodils in New York, to have an adventure-I assure her that Texas will welcome her home anytime.

I sat on Mercy's bed in the wee hours of the morning while we riffled  through clothes and memories, shoes, scarfs and memories, closet stuff with memories.
She packed a big suitcase and I added a small purple journal wrapped around twice with blue ribbon-
Mercy, be passionate for Jesus and his Gospel, I wrote on the first page.

And this morning I walked into her room to view the remains; the left behind shirts and sweaters smelled like her--so good.
"So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord, His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth." (Hosea 6:3)