my neighborhood

Maybe you've heard. . .the Spurs are national basketball champs. That's big news in our town- and when the Spurs win a playoff game, the next morning Valero gives everybody free coffee, hot chocolate, cappachinos, any size, totally free.
Last Wednesday our grands spent the morning with John and me; the children came over from their north central neighborhood to our southside neighborhood, and it happened to be a Spurs win morning. We headed to Valero-it's tradition in our town and especially in our neighborhood.

We pulled into the corner store off the highway, the Valero right next to John's school; the parking lot was jammed and the line of customers for free coffee snaked out the door- honest, out the door.
"Do we really want to do this?" I questioned.
"It's tradition in our town and in our neighborhood," encouraged my husband.

So the 5 of us queued up on the sidewalk, tight against the neighbors. Little by little the line crept along and as we jostled and chatted.

"Coach! what are you doing here? Are these your children?"

"Ahh, meet my grandchildren! During the school year you all are kind of like my grandchildren, aren't you? Let me introduce you. . ."

School and neighborhood talk was easy and by and by we made our way to the hot chocolate machine and then out the door. I think most of our neighborhood was there sitting on the curbs, crowding the doorway, enjoying the scene, a Spurs win, free drinks and each other.
To be honest, the coffee wasn't that great and John and the kids agreed that the hot chocolate was kind of weak and sweet--

But it was worth it just to join the neighborhood scene.
(Thanks, Valero)

a few of our amazing grands. . .

some sweet and some bitter

Mercy came home for a little visit last weekend- I think she'd say that New York is home now, but I say there's still lots of her stuff  in the closets in Texas. 

So, my girl and her dear friend Katie spent the night at our warm Texas house, in her garden green room where the adventures of Betsy, Tacy, and Tib still line the shelves. They hung around Saturday morning and it was sweet. I'm grateful for those times over coffee- we even made a second pot.

For months I studied and asked myself the question, What is God centered gratitude? I talked about gratitude to lots of women and even blogged about it--gratitude is good for the soul.

But I'm also very aware how readily ingratitude presses in, sometimes initially unnoticed; a wise woman said, "Ingratitude to God is sin which creeps around the edges our hearts".

I remember during our family's growing up years, John would remind us, "When the people complained it displeased God and his wrath  burned against them." (Numbers 11:1)

Yikes! ingratitude bears bitter fruit. I'm very aware of the temptation to categorize ingratitude as a "lesser sin". Hmmm, ingratitude, not quite so bad as. . . but in Romans 1 God describes the downward spiral of humanity into sin, "Although they knew God they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him." 

So, I ask myself, "If I know grumbling is bitter, that ingratitude displeases and dishonors God, then why do I struggle so?"

Well, I'm prideful and pride manifests itself in thoughtlessness towards God.  Jesus healed 10 lepers (Luke 16) but only 1 leper came back to thank him. I don't think the other 9 were grumbling about their circumstances; they weren't hard hearted or rebellious. Those 9 healed lepers just didn't pay attention; they were thoughtless towards God- they were simply silent.

To be silent about God's mercies is to incur the guilt of ingratitude. (Elisabeth Elliot)

And I forget. . . I forget God, forget gospel reality, forget his mercies. And I know I'm not alone-

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. . .but they forgot God who had done great things in Egypt." (Psalm 106)
I read in Mark 8 how Jesus fed the 4,000 hungry people and then the pharisees demanded of him a sign. Jesus warned the disciples about spiritual leaven but they were preoccupied with their lack of physical bread. Jesus rebuked his disciples,
"Why are you discussing the fact that you have not bread? . . . are your hearts hardened? Don't you remember when I broke 5 loaves for 5,000, when I broke 7 loaves and fed 4,000?"
No, they forgot that Jesus is the very Bread of Life. . .and so do I.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of his benefits. . ." (Psalm 103)

Also I think I'm entitled to more. . . entitlement springs from a wrong view of God-I view him as a stingy Giver; like Eve, I focus on what God chooses to withhold from me. When we think we deserve more, we minimize God's blessings - have you noticed?
I read this interesting observation, "The higher the cost of living, the more ungrateful (discontented) we become." While I don't find it described exactly that way in Scripture, I see the truth in my own heart. For instance- in Mexico my neighbors didn't have a bathroom, and then I was grateful for the toilet I could flush with a bucket (and many more basic comforts). Then I moved to America- in my heart I complain that my washer is in the garage and think: Life would be good if. . . .
(Ahh, true confessions!)

What do you feel entitled to that robs you of a grateful heart?

So, there it is, a bit of the bitter, but God is infinitely gracious and forgiving.
Let's be ruthless with ourselves, identifying and rejecting any seed of ingratitude before it invades the edges of our hearts; we need each other-
"Encourage one another while it is still today lest your hearts grow hard by the deceitfulness of sin." (Heb 3:13)

excel still more

A few weeks ago I met three friends on a Friday afternoon at our regular spot. We call ourselves ROCC:  Real Organic Conversation Club-

"What's organic conversation?" I hear you asking. . .

We're just four women working on it- pursuing transparency and honesty about our struggles and sin, living out the gospel, encouraging each other in the journey, and we talk about it!
So, over coffee that day, Lisa shared details of a recent trip to California; she met a woman who excelled in hospitality and another who excelled in loving others. Women boldly living out their faith  challenged my friend to do the same, to excel still more.

That conversation still rumbles around inside and I'm wondering about me, What in my life encourages others to excel still more and what do I need to work on?

To excel still more isn't about obligation- it has nothing to do with making God love me more. Jesus paid it all and his love for me is extravagant, forever. Why then? Certainly, it's that fierce love of God  that controls and motivates you and me to excel still more day after day.
And I'm encouraged  to excel still more in lots of areas of my life, but today I'm focusing on honoring my husband, focused on being his companion. Because the love of God compels me, I'm going to apply myself there. You can ask me how I'm doing. . .

Because that's the way organic conversation begins.

"Finally. . .we exhort you in the Lord Jesus that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God, that you may excel still more." (1 Thess 4:1)

up in the air so blue. . .

My mom was the quintessential kindergarden teacher; over many years she often recited
 "The Swing" to us, her children.

"How do you like to go up in a swing,

   Up in the air so blue?

Oh, I do think it is the pleasantest thing

  Ever a child can do?"

I still love to swing-there's something about sailing up in the air so blue that clears
 a crowded mind; lately I've been pushing little boys up. . .

 Friday I pushed, pushed Aaron and Jonas in their back yard swing-
"Miss Darcie, can you give me and under doggie?" squeaked the little one.
"No, sweet boy, I'm too old, too weak!"

 Tuesday I pushed Eoin in the swing at the park.
"Eoin, before I push- just park your sword over there," I instructed.

Then Wednesday I pushed Landis- by now he knows  not to ask. . .
"You can't do an under doggie, right Gran?"

So- I push and tell them, "Boys, Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, so that you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. . .remember Jesus is the only way to life and truth!"

This week  I'm scheduled for a bone density scan- and I expect the doctor will say,
"Ma'am, your arm bones look good and dense."
And I'll say, "Oh, it's the little boys. . .I've been pushing them up in the air so blue!"

See what kind of love. . .

When my grandchildren visit they sit on the brown bench and play at the kitchen windowsill.
I wash dishes and watch their play; then they go home and I'm slow to pick up the remnants, enjoying the memory, thinking about next time. . . remembering how my little sons and daughters played at that exact spot at the kitchen windowsill.

Sometimes a dear person comes into my life for what seems like the blink of an eye. I met Cory in March and this week she moved away. I'm feeling a bit wistful about it, "Ahh, friend, why so soon? I will miss you!"

We've been squeezing in Friday morning coffees at Central Market, sipping and sharing. . . two small women, nestled in square, man size chairs under an outdoor awning.
So- eager to pack in personal stories in the space of a breath,  we trip over our words. . . and the other day we admitted a common heart struggle- you see, we're each vulnerable to hurt when others don't love us well, or when it appears they don't . . . do you know that struggle?

I told my friend that when the internal battle rumbles, desperate for love, I say inside, "Soul, love God more. . .reach out and love others fervently, intentionally!" True, very true. . .but first I have to bathe my heart here:

See what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
(1 John 3:1)

Think of it- God chose me for his family and lavished his grace upon me because he loved me even when I was most unloveable. God says to me,

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)

So, I tell Cory, "Dear friend, I'm a lot older than you are and I'm a slow learner . . . yet I yearn to understand that God's love for me, his child, is deep and abiding and forever, a love that changes me.

in strength and in weakness

 Saturday morning I awoke revived, "A bicycle ride sounds nice!" I told my husband.
So, he jumped on the idea, always delighted when I suggest a ride. I expected we'd ride calmly along the river, but I've noticed about my husband. . .when I'm up for a bicycle ride, he's eager to show me all the places I miss when he bikes without me.
Really, we should have stopped at the Cinco de Mayo parade at Mission Espada, stayed right there, enjoying the scene, considering it just enough for half way, but we biked on; he pointed out favorite things that I would never notice on my own. He was sweet, delighted to have me along for the ride. . .I grew fatigued, discouraged- why so slow, feeling so old.
"Should I go back for the car and pick you up?" he suggested.
No, I can make it, but slowly, please no hills!" I said
Retirement is coming. . . can I keep up with this man? 

And in the afternoon we drove to the store and bought a new computer- imagine that? Thinking about retirement, thinking about what might be ahead for us, we made an investment. . .
Hmm, I love this new machine and I'm typing really fast.
My husband types slowly--in fact sometime I type for him.
We're fast and slow, strong and weak in different ways. 

Love is patient. . .love bears with the weaknesses, love rejoices in the strengths of others--and that's good because I keep learning to trust God more and more.

(and sometimes we just laugh together about our differences and about growing old together.)

to keep a quiet heart. . .

Every spring I'm compelled to document a bit of Texas beauty--especially for friends and family who live elsewhere (and to remind myself in the scorch of Texas summer. . .)

 

While studying gratitude I pulled some books off my personal favorites shelf, but one I borrowed from a friend- Keep A Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliott; the author shares thoughtful truths about gratitude but she writes so much more. . .

Elisabeth Elliot use to write a newsletter and for years I received it bimonthly in my mailbox, a paper newsletter when paper was still the norm; in her words, "the letter was meant to cheer and encourage--once in a while perhaps to nettle or amuse--those who want it." (and I wanted it, needed it . . .)

Keep A Quiet Heart is a compilation of lead articles culled from the newsletter; the chapters are 

short, the subject matter broad- but always, as customary with Elisabeth, she encourages, "Do what the Bible says. . . trust and obey!" 

So, I'm reading and gleaning and savoring and one sleepless night last week I did an internet search- Elisabeth Elliot. I learned of Elisabeth's decline with dementia beginning a decade ago. I read beautiful, compelling articles and posts testifying that when Elisabeth recognized her fading memory, she put into practice "what she had long preached".  She aptly applied a quote form Amy Carmichael to herself, "in acceptance comes peace."

She turned to Isaiah 42:3 for comfort and now at 86, unable to speak, this beautiful woman is still keeping a quiet heart.

And for me personally- somehow, knowing about her life today gives credence to her words, and I'm 

encouraged to keep a quiet heart today. . .and come what may.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, 

and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God. . .

Isaiah 43