strong confidence

This morning my house is cold. I'm drinking hot tea from a chipped cup. . .
It's the brown and blue 80's cup, the one Abi found at a flea market in California- she brought it home to me in Texas years ago, before she married Nathaniel and moved to New York.
Then my favorite cup was old -now it's old and chipped. 
So, I'm thinking about Abigail and sweet Titus in New York- my mind rambles around the edges of devotional for a baby shower I'll share next month.

I think about the word control. . .and every woman's desire to do it.

A few weeks ago I waited in New York City for my connecting flight to Dallas, surrounded by holiday travel, holiday sounds. . .just hours before Titus had been hospitalized  with respiratory distress.
So, in morning darkness, on the airport curb, Nathaniel and little Florence embraced me-Good bye. . .
 I was flying home to Texas.
Sometimes I just meditate on God's omnipresence-He (not me) can be everywhere at once.
The Lord is your Keeper, the shade on your right hand, He will not slumber nor sleep. . . (Ps 121)

Titus had a bumpy ride- machines, therapy, medication, tubes, questions. . .then after a week in the hospital, on Christmas day Titus and his mom came home.
 Abi shared, "I'm so thankful to be at home, but in the hospital machines scream when my baby is in danger."
Ahh, yes, I understand that heart-mind tug of war. . .and choose this minute to remember-
"In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have refuge." (Prov 14:26)

sweets at night and in the morning. . .

When I visit Abigail and Nathaniel in New York, we bake sweets. . .and eat sweets.

So, in the spirit of the season, I made an apple crostada  on Monday-then on to gingerbread with lots of cream to whip up--ahh, the delight of whipped cream on almost anything!

And in the midst of the gingerbread project, it became apparent that it was pretty near time for the dear little baby to be born (really, I told Abi that she needn't scour the lower cupboard for the black strap molasses.)

So-the sweetest of all, Titus Newton Jackson,  was born late Monday night.
And in the morning I asked Florence, "Would you like apple pie and ice cream for breakfast?"
"Yes!" she piped.
And that's what we did to celebrate. . .Florence and me, pie and ice cream in the morning.

in train stations and airports, in the snow. . .

So, I'm going on a trip, leaving tomorrow-by train and by plane.

But first I have to get everything ready here at home.

that's every woman's first job-
 I bought 2 gallons of milk and Hershey's cocoa for the man at home.

we printed a December calendar and sketched in the important dates-

so he won't forget. . .

I'll miss home and him-but I'm going to New York for the baby.

I'll trip through train stations and airports, through the snow,

in my favorite clogs-that have developed an irritating squeek-
perhaps you'll hear me going and coming.  
 And I'll be back.

home for the holiday

I cleaned the empty upstairs before the family came for Thanksgiving and discovered boxes and binders of baseball cards and stamp collections in the boys' closet.
The youngest boy says that it all belongs to his brothers, but  he assured me, "The baseball cards are valuable, really."
I put the boy treasures back on the shelf and closed the closet door.

Mr. Vale use to tune our piano in November- every year, right before the holidays.
After the tuning the children would play their pieces for Mr. Vale and he was pleased.
So-the children moved away, the piano hasn't been tuned in years.
But Mercy came home for Thanksgiving and she made music on our neglected piano, thumping the sticky keys, she played -and I was pleased.

And one evening, right before the family dispersed, I heard man feet walking on the hardwood floors upstairs.  It was Brett and his big man feet!  I thought about the four boys who use to live up their, who grew up to be men-and I was pleased.

sweeping out doubt

Routine house cleaning is a good thing.

And today I'm doing some house cleaning on the inside- 

sweeping out doubt-in my heart.

Heart. . .Do you truly believe that God is sovereign over all things?. . .and that He satisfies you with good?

. . .and do you really believe that as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him?

. . .and do you believe that He hears your cries, that He will strengthen your heart and incline his ear-really?

. . .and do you  desire the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom above all things?

(or Heart, do you desire a piece of the kingdom for yourself?)

And when my heart answers No! or Maybe! (or Yes to that last one!). . .
I'm hopeful still, since the Gospel of Jesus Christ is powerful to confirm truth in my heart-and yours.

Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountiful with you (Psalm 116)

celebrating with pie

Last week I drove to west Texas to visit Mercy for her 24th birthday (she's the baby).
Sky and dirt are different in the Panhandle- enormous clouds hovering over the orange, pink sunset and fields of cotton bolls dangling from plant skeletons .
I was tempted to stop, to pull out my  camera -that's what I do when John and I travel together.
The dusk was exquisite-but this time I was alone, driving through the Panhandle.

So, Mercy hosted a dessert party for her friends; I made carrot cake with cream cheese frosting like she remembers. . .
Mercy also remembers eating pumpkin pie for breakfast.
Mom, will you make a pumpkin pie? of course.
You'll cut the pumpkin and cook it up like I remember? she asked.
 I told Mercy that now I make pie with canned pumpkin-it's delicious.
So, I made the pie- and Mercy put little pieces in white boxes for her guests to take home to eat for breakfast, just like she remembers.
I had a wonderful visit with my girl.  Then I came home and cut up a pumpkin . . .beautiful

Mondays and every day

Last week I rolled out of bed before dawn-unusual for me on a Monday.
Sundays are busy, so Mondays should be slow and easy, I tell myself.

 John rode off to school on his bicycle in a shard of light
 and I locked the door behind us -
I thought about my groaning flesh (the resistance)
and I remembered my opportunity to give a hand. . .

Recently I heard about the life of  Queen Margaret of Scotland (1047-1093)
She lived in a spirit of inward poverty, loved others selflessly, compassionately-
And after her death, it was said of Queen Margaret,
She died every day she lived 

So-I'm thinking about Queen Margaret. . .and me
thinking about how it looks to die to myself on Mondays
and every day
(because "He loved me and delivered himself up for me")